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Swipe Right?

I heard on the radio today that the percentage of people signing up for online dating websites has increased by 70% due to none other than.. the coronavirus. The radioman proceeded to explain that like milk and bread, single pringles are panicked that the amount of potential bachelors are going to fly off the shelves before their very eyes if they don’t get to the nearest Dollar General fast enough. My first uncensored thought of course was “idiots, Tinder has plenty of unleashed animals to swipe right on,” but then I brought back in my logical thoughts that people my age don’t exactly have the concept of what love really is. I will admit, I have an old soul (hense the 25-year-old grandma). I have been looking, hoping, and praying to find love for as long as I can remember. I’v spent most of my short 25 years of life in relationships with the wrong people, until I clearly rescued my knight and shining armor out of the tree he was stuck in – naturally he is now my Fiance. I wanted to share some useful information that I have gathered over the last few years from watching other humans my age show me exactly what not to do when trying to start, keep, and/or jump ship on a relationship.

Chew with your mouth closed, and keep your hands in your own designated eating area. Do not, I repeat, do not eat food off of your dates plate without first asking them if you can have the last cheese stick Jared.

Use your manners. I beg of you, for the love of all that is holy, utilize the manners your mother literally beat into you as you were throwing a tantrum about chicken nuggets in the middle of Eat n Park as a child. Being polite gets you a long way.

Tell them how you really feel. You love the way they snort when they laugh, tell them. You love the way their eyes brighten in the sun, tell them. You despise the noises they make in their sleep and have contemplated suffocating them before day break.. tell them. Communication – good or bad is the key to a healthy relationship.

Break it off in person. I get it, you’re not into Star Wars collectables, but at least give baby Yoda a break and tell them it’s not you it’s me face to face.

My list here friends could go on and on. Relationships can be hard, but falling in love should be easy. The biggest piece of advice I can offer you is to be unapologetically you, and most of all use your common sense. The right one will come along when you least expect it.

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